Stephen Covey’s fifth habit, seek to understand, then to be understood, comes after independence and a step before interdependence. After learning about the fifth habit, I can understand how this leads to interdependence. The key to this habit is having the skill of listening. It sounds easy, but it definitely is a skill that requires patience and practice. The intentional act to actively listen to the meaning of the words and emotions behind the thoughts that others are sharing with us is how we can seek to understand and helps create a win win situation. Unlike conversations when one person speaks and the other is quiet, but quietly thinking about their own thoughts and opinions and not seeking to understand. This creates a win-lose situation and is described as a collective monologue, because each person is not seeking to understand and solely seeking to be understood. This doesn’t allow for true collaboration to occur and any progress to take place.
My Habit
As I was listening to Professor Pumpian describe the fifth habit, seek to understand, before seeking to be understood, I was thinking about reading rhetorically. This is what I have been teaching my students but using a different approach. I teach my students that reading is like having a conversation with the author. First you read to understand what the author is saying and how he/she is saying it. Then, you join the conversation recognizing and responding to the author’s thoughts, ideas, feeling and opinions in writing. This is difficult for students. I believe that the most challenging element was actively reading/listening to what they were reading without making judgments or developing opinions.
When and where do they teach people to listen? To listen to the words, make meaning of those words to understand the speaker’s message and/or thoughts. I don’t know and I haven’t heard of anywhere that they focus on this skill. I am a quiet person and listening closely and actively is a way that I learn best. However, I must admit, I do struggle with listening when I hear someone talk about something I don’t like or strongly disagree with. I have found myself in several situations, speaking to express my disagreement without truly listening. In most of these situations, there was no understanding taking place. It became a series of collective monologues. Unfortunately, this resulted in no collaboration or progress and only stress on the respect. An example of a win lose situation.
My commitment
I commit to continue sharing my new knowledge with my daughter. However, I plan to switch the focus to our relationship. She is nineteen years-old and a college student living at home. I have had a difficult time adjusting to the fact that she is also a young adult. My struggle has caused some disagreements and misunderstandings resulting in creating some strain in our relationship. I’m going to introduce her to this habit, by explaining it to her and commit to listening, silently and completely, to her before responding. I plan to do some action research by becoming a more empathetic listener in every conversation with my daughter, with hope that she acquires this skill.
My Habit
As I was listening to Professor Pumpian describe the fifth habit, seek to understand, before seeking to be understood, I was thinking about reading rhetorically. This is what I have been teaching my students but using a different approach. I teach my students that reading is like having a conversation with the author. First you read to understand what the author is saying and how he/she is saying it. Then, you join the conversation recognizing and responding to the author’s thoughts, ideas, feeling and opinions in writing. This is difficult for students. I believe that the most challenging element was actively reading/listening to what they were reading without making judgments or developing opinions.
When and where do they teach people to listen? To listen to the words, make meaning of those words to understand the speaker’s message and/or thoughts. I don’t know and I haven’t heard of anywhere that they focus on this skill. I am a quiet person and listening closely and actively is a way that I learn best. However, I must admit, I do struggle with listening when I hear someone talk about something I don’t like or strongly disagree with. I have found myself in several situations, speaking to express my disagreement without truly listening. In most of these situations, there was no understanding taking place. It became a series of collective monologues. Unfortunately, this resulted in no collaboration or progress and only stress on the respect. An example of a win lose situation.
My commitment
I commit to continue sharing my new knowledge with my daughter. However, I plan to switch the focus to our relationship. She is nineteen years-old and a college student living at home. I have had a difficult time adjusting to the fact that she is also a young adult. My struggle has caused some disagreements and misunderstandings resulting in creating some strain in our relationship. I’m going to introduce her to this habit, by explaining it to her and commit to listening, silently and completely, to her before responding. I plan to do some action research by becoming a more empathetic listener in every conversation with my daughter, with hope that she acquires this skill.